While my initial reaction to Mike Huckster, I mean Huckabee's theater-of-the-absurd statement that North Korea offers more freedom than the United States was similar to that of brooklynbadboy ("Then get the f--- out, you blowhard!), on reflection, I believe this may be an opportunity to open new diplomatic contact with a heretofore intransigent opponent.
In hopes of exploiting this opening, I have drafted the following communique:
Hon. Sin Son-ho
Permanent Representative to the United Nations
Democratic People's Republic of North Korea
820 Second Avenue, 13th Floor,
New York, N.Y. 10017
Relations between our countries are often strained. Representatives of the DPRK are often assailed by Western diplomats and journalists for alleged human rights abuses, so much so that you and your colleagues are sometimes forced to push back, telling the west to "mind your own business."
I'm not sure this mutual confrontation is helpful. It is only through closer contact and mutual understanding that peace and progress among nations can advance.
To that end, I call your attention to the recent comments of former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, who stated, "I'm beginning to think there's more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States."
True or not, the governor's words not only highlight America's and the West's hypocrisy in criticizing your county's human rights record, but offers a unique opportunity for greater mutual understanding and cooperation.
I believe it would be of great benefit for both of our countries and the world at large for you to invite the governor to the Democratic Peoples Republic to speak publicly on the openness and freedom of your great country, to tell the world of its virtues and give the lie to the claim that the United States is somehow superior to your country.
I'll admit that such extra-diplomatic engagements have not always gone as well as hoped, but perhaps that was because you chose the wrong envoys. Dennis Rodman, while certainly a well-known athlete and celebrity, is, let us admit, a little... off. Probably not the best messenger for your cause.
Gov. Huckabee, by contrast, is an important politician, the former governor of an influential US state and possibly even our next president. Think what a leg up you'd have on those so-called "democracies" to have been the first to host him for dialogue and consultation.
The benefits would, of course, be mutual. Gov. Huckabee's presidential campaign would get a huge boost from the opportunity to take the international stage and condemn America's two-faced policies. I see win-win.
Please consider this offer seriously. It brings the chance of greater harmony between our often disputatious countries as well as the chance for Americans to better understand the great land that is the Democratic Peoples Republic. You can extend the invitation to the governor at his contact link here.
PS If the governor should happen to go off script and unduly criticize the DPRK's policies and you are forced to detain him for his breach, well, no biggie. We've got plenty more like him.